


after battle seduction tactics

by Ro29



Series: Messing around in the Soft Wars Sandbox [26]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Brothers being assholes, Crushes, Doom is Still the Only One Fighting A War, Gen, Humor, Star Wars AU - Soft Wars, brothers being brothers, referenced Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29507895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro29/pseuds/Ro29
Summary: The Get Along Song starts up again in the background and somewhere, more droids are surrendering.Cutup preens and Droidbait thinks that if the Commander isn’t careful, his face is gonna get stuck in that constipated glare.“Don’t you like the program Commander?” Cutup asks, all wide eyes and snark and kark-you-kindly smile.
Relationships: Cutup & Droidbait & Echo & Fives & Hevy (Star Wars)
Series: Messing around in the Soft Wars Sandbox [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937752
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103
Collections: Open Source Soft Wars





	after battle seduction tactics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Project0506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/gifts), [Everything_or_Anything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everything_or_Anything/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hearts and Minds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421150) by [Project0506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506). 



“Every single one of you is a menace,” Commander Doom declares, grit-toothed and clenched fists, with a glare that makes his eyes twitch and a resignation burned into his bones.

An intimidating man, that Commander Doom. A pity Domino’s faced a lot worse glares than that.

The Get Along Song starts up again in the background and somewhere, more droids are surrendering.

Cutup preens and Droidbait thinks that if the Commander isn’t careful, his face is gonna get stuck in that constipated glare.

“Don’t you like the program Commander?” Cutup asks, all wide eyes and snark and kark-you-kindly smile.

Cutup has never quite been able to manage faking innocent. His grin’s too _osik_ -eating for that, and he shades towards sass too naturally for him to properly get tooka-eyed obliviousness down.

Commander Doom is too professional a man to point out the song, and if Droidbait remembers right, has put up with too much of Captain Rex and his squaddies to show weakness so blatantly.

“Works well,” the Commander deadpans, “so nice to know I’m not the only one fighting this war.”

Cutup’s inelegant giggle snort is covered by Hevy’s cheer.

Commander Doom looks the longsuffering type of defeated, hand twitching for his comms.

Echo salutes, “Happy to help Commander, the Captain was _ecstatic_ when he learned where we were.”

Commander Doom watches them all blank-faced.

Huh, would you look at that, it _is_ possible to clench your teeth hard enough to cause second-hand pain. _Kot_ , Commander Doom.

Droidbait would feel a lot worse about it if he wasn’t having so much fun.

The Commander says his goodbyes smoothly, turns on his heel and walks away and Cutup grins, “Bye Commander, maybe next time you’ll be able to stop as many droids as us!”

Commander Doom doesn’t so much as pause as he walks away, and Droidbait thinks he hears, ‘ _Only one in this entire kriffing army still fighting a war, the Only One.’_

_Kot_ to him and everything, but Droidbait’s taking offence.

They’ve done plenty of fighting war, they even helped take out whole _companies_ of Sep droids, might add up to more than a legion if things keep going like they are.

Droidbait hums, turns to look back at the others and finds Fives standing stock still, staring at Cutup and the spot Commander Doom was.

“ _No_ ,” Fives breathes, in a type of dawning horror, and Cutup bristles.

“You’re gonna catch flies there _vod_ , don’t know what’s got _your_ kama all twisted.” he scoffs, all nonchalance and uncaring.

Domino isn't fooled for a second.

Droidbait doesn’t know _what_ it is Fives has seen but whatever it is Echo’s face says that he’s catching onto it.

Droidbait narrows his eyes, runs over the interaction in his head, looks between Cutup and Fives and the disappearing, defeated, form of Commander Doom and tries to piece it all together.

‘Make him regret taking what’s Torrent’s’ the Captain had implied-not-said, and they’d all agreed with enthusiasm, ‘The Get Along Song,’ Cutup had suggested, after hours spent poking and teasing and snarking at the Commander.

A showoff is what Cutup’s been this mission, a little bit of a brag, a little bit of a taunt. A _showoff_ when they’re trying to make a point to the Commander about stealing Torrent’s own away from Torrent.

Surely not, Droidbait thinks, _surely._

He meets Echo’s eyes, sees the same horrified knowledge there that he feels.

_He’s not_ , Droidbait begs silently, hope weakening with every second.

“You _did not_ just try and flirt the Lt. Hardcase way.” Fives snaps, voices their collective realization with horrified denial and the type of reluctant awe one gets watching a six speeder pile up.

Hevy sits up from his lazy lounge hyperspace quick.

“ _No_ ,” he says, rising glee and vicious amusement.

Cutup ignores them all.

Of all the _vod_ Cutup could’ve taken flirting cues from, of _all the kriffing vod_.

Droidbait is _never_ going to let him live this down.

“ _Vod_ ,” Hevy says, giggling, manic gleam in hs eyes, “we love Lt Hardcase, he’s great, he’s wonderful even, an amazing Officer! Does a wonderful job with ammunitions and explosives, really, a talent in the field and his baster-skill is _unapparelled_.”

Hevy’s awe is maybe shining through _just_ a tad, Droidbait thinks.

Fives nods, picks the line up, “But _vod_ ,” he says, pleads, even as he signs, ‘ _tube was boiled, declarative. No other explanation’,_ out of Cutup’s sight, “ _vod_ , we _do not_ take hints on how to flirt from him.”

“It is _highly_ unlikely to get you anywhere,” Echo confirms, pitying, flicks back an _‘affirmative.’_

“I have no idea what any of you voidbrains are talking about,” Cutup huffs, offense in ever yline and feigned ignorance.

They all turn identical looks his way.

Droidbait’s the one to call it.

“Banthashit,” he hisses, victorious, ‘Complete and _utter—”_

_“Shut your mouth—”_ Cutup snaps, squawks as Hevy kicks his legs out from under him and spits vitriol the whole way down.

“Every single one of you!” He cries as he gets his feet under himself, elbows Fives and kicks out at Droidbait, “brains rotted away, tubes curdled, not worth the karking _tube goo you—”_

“Last I checked,” Fives muters, “ _We_ weren’t the ones hoping to seduce our crush with _Lt. Hardcase’s method_.”

“There isn’t even a _plan_ there I don’t think,” Echo laments, and Hevy hisses offense.

“Hey now, the Lt.’s got a plan! He’s been playing the game for _far_ too long to not have one!”

Echo, Fives, and Droidbait turn skeptical looks on Hevy and he pouts.

“I’m _pretty_ sure there’s one at least.”

Droidbait pats consolingly at Hevy’s arm, “Sure _vod_ , I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“What I want to know,” Droidbait muses, “is what made you think it would _work_.”

Cutup huffs, signs where Droidbait can holster what, with quick moves and a scowl.

Echo smiles, “You know _Cut’ika—”_

“No,” Cutup says, firm, stands up, “Nope, all of you can go kark yourselves since obviously I'm the only one who managed to scrounge up their brain from the bottom of their karking tube, you’re all awful and I don’t have to listen to this _slander_.”

Hevy cackles and Echo and Fives share matching smirks.

The Get Along Song plays ever valiantly in the background and Droidbait grins. Oh no, they aren’t letting him live this down, _ever_.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to find me other places I have a [writing tumblr](https://rose-blooms-red.tumblr.com) and a [fandom tumblr](https://themessofthecentury.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please come yell at me about Star Wars and DC!


End file.
